Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon Race Report

I stared at the flashing cursor for a long time trying to decide where this story should start. In January when my world turned upside down and my husband went into rehab for drug and alcohol addiction? In April when the bombings occurred and I vowed to do whatever it took to earn my way back to Boston? In May when I finally allowed myself to admit that my heart was no longer in it and bowed out of Ironman Lake Placid? Or on Sunday morning as I toed the start line of a marathon for the 12th time, unsure of what the day would bring but proud of every step that brought me there.

Most of you will be surprised by one piece of that story (although you may remember this post). It’s not something I have shared publicly outside of close friends and family, and I do so now only with Mark’s blessing of course. I won’t go into details except to say that he went through a very dark period last year but had the courage to face his demons and turn his life around completely. Through all the ups and downs of the last 9+ months, I can easily say that we have both become stronger individuals in the process, and stronger as a couple. I think anyone would agree that this makes Mark’s recent 3:11 marathon comeback even more meaningful and impressive.

1237062_10153313653640454_1146484475_nSo, this year has been a long and curvy road with its fair share of challenges and a lot of uncertainty. This might offer a better explanation for how much my priorities shifted and why I struggled so much with motivation and commitment to training. Running took a backseat and combined with spending the previous year running marathons exclusively for fun, I had a long way to go. I needed the break, but the time eventually came when I woke up and realized that something was missing and I no longer felt like “me.” I needed to have a direction again. I missed the rush that comes from crossing a finish line knowing I had given it all I had, not only that day but in all the weeks of training leading up to it. And I wanted, more than anything, for running to feel good again.

And so began the long road back. It was a slow and somewhat demoralizing process to start, but I kept my focus, stayed positive and gradually started seeing the results. There were times that I wondered how or even if I would run a 50 mile week, finish a long run feeling strong, reach my tempo run targets or keep up with my running buddies again. I couldn’t have done it without their support, as well as all the support I have received from my “virtual” running buddies near and far. Thank you all for finding ways to lift me up when I was feeling down on myself. It also helped that Mark was on a similar path of building back so we faced challenges together and shared the milestones along the way.

Looking back at where I started when I officially decided to train for this marathon, I had no idea what to expect in terms of results. Ultimately I was looking for a “comeback marathon” as a springboard into next year where big goals await. I knew I wouldn’t be breaking any records, but that I could make big strides and find my way as a runner again – which I have. After spending most of the summer working on building my endurance back up with little focus on pace, it was only in the last few weeks that I started to think about possible goal times and talked to anyone who would listen as I tried to figure it out. I finally settled on 3:45 based on my recent half marathon and a few pace-focused training runs. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in the goal since I would typically have weeks and weeks of training runs geared toward “race pace”, but I believed it was a possibility. There was only one way to find out.

It was a good day for running with temps of about 5–10C (41-50F) throughout the race, although the sun made it feel quite a bit warmer. I was glad I decided on wearing shorts and a t-shirt (with throwaway sleeves thanks to $1.50 kid-sized leg warmers – they were gone by 5K). There was a headwind forecasted for the tail end of the race, which is typical at Scotia.

Thanksgiving-and-Scotia-028We were there way early in my usual fashion and kept warm in the car for a while before heading to the starting area. A few photo ops, a couple of bathroom stops (not at the same time) and before long, the corrals were already filling up. Is it me, or does time go by unusually fast on race morning? I said my goodbyes to Mark and Miles and made my way toward the front of the yellow (2nd) corral. Each corral started as a separate wave 5 minutes apart, which helped a lot with crowding. It was busy, but I never really had trouble finding space so I was able to find my own pace pretty easily.

earlyI was aiming for a 5:20/KM (8:34/mi) pace, but seemed to keep drifting closer to 5:15 if I didn’t pay close attention. I knew I had to be careful since I felt that 3:45 was just within reach, and continuously tried to reel it in. I felt comfortable so eventually I stopped trying to force the slightly slower pace and just went with the flow.

MapI really enjoy the Scotia course, this being my 6th time running either the half or full, even though it has changed slightly almost every year. I find it easy to break up into sections mentally, from the initial loop around downtown streets to the long out-and-back on Lakeshore, through the Commissioners Street area then heading east in the beaches for another out-and-back, and then suddenly you’re on your way back into the city for the finish (if only it were that easy…).

TMAQ1163I found there was a lot of great crowd support throughout almost the entire race this year and there was always something to look at. Some memorable signs that caught my eye: “Your pace or mine?”; “Run like someone called you a jogger”; “Sketchy street. Run faster.”; “I have all my toenails. Do you?” It was nice to see Mark and Miles waiting at 6K for a quick wave.

10K split: 52:49 (overall average pace 5:17/KM, 8:30/mi)

We were running into the sun after the 12K turn-around and I started feeling warm (I won’t say hot). Even at about 10 degrees (50F), the sun always takes its toll on me and it felt much warmer. Just looking at some of the people around me wearing pants and jackets was making me sweat. I carried my handheld water bottle, which I refilled on the run several times, and tried to remember to sip at every KM marker. I took salt at the start and every hour thereafter, and gels every 8K as per my usual plan.

TMBV2328At about 20K we split from the half marathoners, which is always a good “Booyeah!” moment. I felt great running under the “MARATHON” arch, also wondering what the rest of my day would bring. There is still a lot of uncertainty at this point in the race, but I reminded myself to stay in the moment and not get too far ahead of myself.

arch21.1K split: 1:51:02 (overall average pace 5:16/KM, 8:28/mi)

Mark and Miles were waiting again at 22K – I could see them sitting on the ground as I approached, but luckily they got up off their butts up before I ran by. Spectating is hard work! Mark had a water bottle for me, which I used to refill my handheld – much easier/quicker than doing so at a water station. I started feeling a bit tired through this stretch, although it seemed to come and go in waves. One moment I would feel like I was really dragging and the next I felt like a million bucks again. So, I just tried to stop thinking about it and keep running. I knew it was normal to be tired, and told myself “You’re fine. You’ve got this.”

TMBR1475My friend George surprised me and jumped in somewhere around 26K to keep me company for a couple kilometres. I told him that I wasn’t feeling particularly chatty, but I appreciated the company and listened to him chat away while taking some pictures.

1396026_10151879588358762_21845340_nIt helped carry me to the turn-around point at 29K. The wind was there as expected after the turn, but I actually enjoyed it for its cooling effect this year. I knew we were now heading back toward the finish, even if it was a long way to go. It gave me a bit of a boost, although I wished I was feeling stronger at this point.

30K split: 2:38:08 (overall average pace 5:16/KM, 8:28/mi)

I won’t say the wheels came off, but some bolts started feeling loose after 32K. I allowed myself a quick walk (my first) in the hopes that it would help me collect myself, but it actually made me feel worse. I went from consistently pacing under 5:20/KM to 5:44, 5:33, 5:40, 5:45. I quickly became discouraged and disappointed, so it only got worse from there.

TMAM338935K split: 3:06:09 (overall average pace 5:19/KM, 8:33/mi)

6:06, 5:40, 5:33. I let my head get the best of me and it was a slip ‘n’ slide of negative thoughts. I cursed myself for running the first half too fast or even believing I could run a 3:45. I gave Mark a big thumbs down when I saw him at 36K and whined “I’m tired.” I remember the look on his face and it clearly said “So what? You’re supposed to be!” Ha! Good point. I tried to turn things around and flooded my head with all the positive energy I could muster.

copyThis part of the course was a new addition this year, with a bit of a loopy out-and-back from 36-40K. On the map it looked completely convoluted and confusing, but it wasn’t nearly as bad in person. I actually enjoyed the break from running essentially in a straight line for so long and it was good knowing that after this section, I would be at 40K.

Something seemed to help, because I finally managed to turn things around and found a second wind by 39K. I picked my pace right back up to 5:15-5:20 for those last 3KM, which tells me that it was a mental battle I had succumbed to and not a physical one. It has been two years since I’ve raced a marathon for a time goal so I wonder if I had just forgotten how hard it is and gave up too soon. When I wasn’t feeling just peachy at 32K, I let the doubts get the best of me.

TMBJ373340K split: 3:34:55 (overall average pace 5:22/KM, 8:38/mi)

I noticed my time at the 40K mats and it was only one second off my finish time (and PR) at this race two years ago. I still had 2.2K to go, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s the importance of acknowledging how far I have come as opposed to how far I have to go. I actually really enjoyed those last 2K. It felt like a true victory lap for the past 22 weeks of training and everything that has happened over the past year.

UntitledKenny was waiting somewhere along here and jumped in with me, yelling “Welcome back!” I welled up a bit and started looking for Mark who was waiting at the last turn before the home stretch. No thumbs down this time!

photo-5

Despite missing the 3:45 mark, I am nothing but proud of this result and everything it took to get there. I earned some more experience, learned a bit more about myself in the process and savoured the joy of the marathon finish line once again.

Finish3:46:28
1072/3655 overall
226/1272 females
44/206 F30-34

Thanksgiving-and-Scotia-029-205x300Thanksgiving-and-Scotia-030-225x300

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35 thoughts on “Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon Race Report

  1. Life can be so hard.. I am thankful that you are you hubby have endured some dark days and come out the other side together. I am sooooo inspired by you and your journey. Congrats on an amazing marathon!!!! Love you!

  2. oh wow – I remember that post, but had no idea what it was about. It takes quite a bit of courage on both you and Mark’s part to discuss that on here. I hope he is doing better 🙂 I’ve known many people who have gone on to great things after a dark period.

    You are an inspiration Marlene!

  3. Such an inspirational race (and year, really) recap! I got goose bumps imagining that last couple of kilometers to the finish…wow!

    Thanks for sharing.

  4. i’ve thought about you on and off the past while, as i clearly remember that post and was hoping things were ok. if there is any couple that i know who will come out of the dark days, it’ll be you two! you never cease to inspire me or amaze me and in some way, i think you guys both being marathoners helps…you both know what long hours, hard work and a tough path can feel like. good luck to you both!

  5. I remember that post earlier this year and thought that maybe you were diagnosed with cancer or you and Mark were getting divorced. It takes a lot of courage to post something so personal. I’m so glad to hear of Mark’s recovery!

    Congratulations to you, Marlene, on your comeback marathon! I know you’ll make it back to Boston and we’ll all be rooting for you every step of the way.

    On a side note, I almost signed up for the Toronto half on a whim, but didn’t. One of the “pros” on my list of pros and cons was “Maybe I’ll get to meet Marlene.” Maybe someday I will. 🙂

  6. Hey Marlene,

    That post I remember well. It was a particularly dark time for me too and I’ve been thinking about you through the year. Our comebacks were both on the roads and also at home and I wanted to say that it took a lot for you and Mark to share.

    I’m so proud to see you come back in both realms, I knew for some reason you’d come in at your target time (face it, you did!) so when I saw you coming down that 41K mark, it totally made my day. That was the moment I was waiting for!

    So congrats and to both you and Mark, lots of love.

  7. I remember that post clearly. Let’s just say this is the last thing I thought it would be. Much continued strength to you both. You’ve come a long way together and its a true testament to your partnership that you continue along the path together. For better, for worst, in sickness, in health – way to take those vows seriously. Much love to you and Mark as you continue the journey.

    Now, the race! Fantastic!!! Way to fight back and re-remember those mental battles! You did amazing and the proudness you display in the finishing photos is well founded. Oh my goodness, next spring (I assume you’re targeting spring for the “Big” stuff), is going to rock out.

    Also – looking GREAT. You’ve come a long way physically in the past 22 weeks as well.

  8. I also remember that post and having a sister who went through this and is still a member of NA (8 years clean), I want to congratulate Mark for getting the help he needed! What a year it’s been for the both of you. Congratulations on a great comeback Marlene…you are amazing!

  9. I saw you out on the course just after 34K – I called out your name and cheered for you but you looked very in the zone and very strong and determined! Congratulations on your ‘comeback’ marathon!

  10. I’ve wondered how things were since that post. Glad to hear he got the help he needed, coming from a family who suffers from drug addiction I know the long long road he is on. Being a runner will definitely be a great outlet for him!

    What an amazing comeback race – congrats on hitting your goal time!

  11. I had no idea you’ve been facing so many challenges. I’m so glad you are sharing and I’m so glad to hear this positive update. Wishing both you and Mark much luck and love in your lifelong marathon together. I’m cheering for you!!!!!!

  12. I am sorry to hear about mark but I am so glad that he is doing better! I think that we all have secrets and tough times but it is in those tough times that you really learn who your friends are. I am hoping that next year will be a better year for you and mark! Congrats again on a great Marathon! 3:45 is a great marathon time! I know so many people who would not be able to run that even on a very very good day!

  13. You ARE back!!!! I am so happy for you! It is a hard year you’ve had but look how strong you both have become…awesome! I ran the half on Sunday – what a great course! And, of course, now I covet the gold full marathon medal!

    Can’t wait to hear what is in store for you next! Congratulations!!!!

  14. Hi Marlene,
    This post was so inspirational! I had no idea what was going on in your life the last year. I’m so happy that Mark has turned his life around and you are back in the running game. I wish you continued success on both counts!

  15. Wow Marlene! I had no idea that you were going through all of that. I’m in awa of how much you have dealt with and always seem to see the bright side and just keep on keepin’ on. Your times are always amazing but it’s your will and strength that are true inspirations. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad you guys got through that tunnel and found the light.

  16. Wow, you guys have had such a tough year. It’s so good to hear that you’re both coming through to the other side. Things like that just rock your world and change your priorities – no wonder running had to take a back seat. But it’s so good to see you haven’t lost your passion to run. Awesome race!

  17. Smiling from ear to ear for you, for MANY reasons. 😉 Your wonderful journey together has only just begun. There is something freeing, rejuvinating and exciting in sobriety. It might not always be easy, but it is better. Super happy for you! Let’s hope we get to meet up in Boston again!

  18. I’m so sorry to hear of the difficulties of the past year. However I applaud you both for making it through the other side together and stronger no doubt. I know how battles can either bring a couple together or tear it apart and I’m glad you are together. Your results of late are testament to the hard work and effort and the commitment that went into your last 9 months. Awesome. Thank you for your kind words about George. I wish that our hard efforts were rewarded as well but alas it was not to be (though I wouldn’t change a minute of it). So live strong and love strong, and be thankful for the chance you have been given, it’s truly a blessing. All the best….you never cease to inspire.

  19. Woo hoo! Congrats to you both on surviving the many ups and downs that have come your way AND for running well at the STWM. I am glad to hear that Maurk’s year has gone well (steps in the right direction) and am thankful you have been able to pull back the reigns as needed to save your sanity. Love UUUU always! 🙂

  20. Oh Marlene!! I’m so glad to hear that you and Mark made it out of that dark time tougher and stronger people and as a couple.

    You’ve put in some amazing work this year. Your marathon in Toronto is just one of the bright, shining examples of that. I’ve felt such slow progress after taking time off and gaining a bunch of weight and I’m still not back to where I’d like to be. Thank you for being an inspiration and showing what hard work and dedication can do. Big hugs Marlene!

  21. Love you!! and am so proud of you. Not only for the marathon and coming back but for being as strong as you have been the past year and making the best decisions for you and your family. Super proud of Mark, too. You’re both tough cookies and are great for each other!! xoxo

  22. Marlene, I am so sorry for being out of the loop….I so enjoyed your report and this statement-“but if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s the importance of acknowledging how far I have come as opposed to how far I have to go.”
    You are amazing!

  23. I read this when you first posted it and just had to come back to it. Your personal strength and your combined strength are awe inspiring. Your dedication shows in both small and large ways, and I’m so happy that you were able to have such a great race as a big, objective reminder of your success. Congratulations again!

  24. I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but this is my first comment – congratulations on a great comeback race! You barely missed that 3:45 mark – I’d consider that a success (and you looked great doing it)!
    It takes serious guts to share your personal life like you have, I’m so glad to hear your husband is back on track for his comeback too – wishing you both the best and I can’t wait to follow your journey to another BQ!
    -Amber

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